


How (not) to pull of a heist

by asoldandtrueasthesky



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:05:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3155018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoldandtrueasthesky/pseuds/asoldandtrueasthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Romana, Leela and Braxiatel rob a bank and Narivn tries to stop them. It goes about as well as you would expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How (not) to pull of a heist

“Would you be interested in robbing a bank?”

Leela jolted and whipped around; the stranger smiled in a masquerade of pleasantry. Leela quickly decided he was no threat to her but couldn’t help but take a dislike to him. “I do not rob banks. I kill people who need to be killed, that is all.” 

“I know it’s not a conventional request for you but I like to think I’m an unconventional man.” He paused seeing his charm clearly wasn’t going to work and switched to flattery. “Someone speaks most highly of you, you have been recommended. Honour is a rare thing to find in such a world as ours.” 

“You do not know the meaning of honour. Who told you about me?” she asked, suspicion marked every word as she drew back her wary hand hovering over her not so well hidden knife.

“I don’t reveal my sources; I fight to maintain my air of mystery.” 

Her eyes raked over him and settled on his perfectly tailored suit furnished with a bow tie that must cost more than her entire wardrobe and knew he was clean of blood. “You do not look like you have ever fought.” 

“I have fought in other ways in wars subtler than yours, Lady Leela.” 

She stiffened at his display of knowledge about her when she had none in return, his whole manner made her feel uneasy. “I am no lady.” 

“It was meant as a compliment I assure you. Do you prefer to be called The Savage?” 

“I do not particularly care what people call me.” 

“Very well. How ungentlemanly of me, I haven’t introduced myself- Irving Braxiatel.” 

“Your name fits you and that is not a compliment.” 

He smiled slightly. “No offence taken, Lady Leela. Do we have a deal?” 

 

“You recall the plan I hope? I’ll distract them while you slip in to wait for closing time, I’ll be waiting outside for your getaway but I won’t be stepping any further.” Said the man called Braxiatel. 

“You don’t want to be implicated, you mean.” The blonde haired woman said with an air of disapproval. “I’m the one putting my reputation on the line here.”  
“It’s rather more than your reputation at risk, my lady.” 

“Oh get on with it. I should never have let you talk me into this, Brax.” 

“Think what Heartshaven will look like returned to its former grandeur. A place worthy of even someone such as yourself to live.” 

“I hope you realise you won’t be joining me there no matter how much flattery you lay on.” 

“You wound me, I assure you that plays no part in this.” 

“Really?” she raised a sceptical eyebrow. 

“Regardless you will have to settle down one day, won’t you?” 

“If that time comes I’m sure you’ll be dead by then.” 

“Has no one told you? I’m immortal.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Go on then, distract them with your mountains of wealth and stop being melodramatic.” 

“Of course, my lady.” 

Romana crouched down and watched his progress intently. “When I say go we run, alright?” 

“You are coming with me? I work alone.” Leela frowned, crossing her arms.

“I highly doubt you will be able to hack into their sophisticated security system.” the other replied haughtily, looking her over with disdain.

“And you will?” 

“Oh, most certainly.” 

“Your arrogance is even more annoying than his.” 

“Really? I must say that’s the first time I’ve been called worse than Brax when it comes to ego.” Strangely she found she liked the other woman’s lack of formality and care with her, most people she associated were either as cold and confident as she could be or nervously considered every word, Leela evidently couldn’t care less. “Shall we get on with robbing a bank together?” 

 

They were hidden away in a broom cupboard waiting for night to fall jammed in rather uncomfortably into the small space. After many complaints about elbows digging into spines and knees in stomachs they had figured out a bearable arrangement which was the best they could manage in the circumstances. Leela became bored of the silence very quickly, she could stand silence in a hunt but this was no hunt in her eyes. 

“Why does Braxiatel call you a lady? Does he call everyone a lady?”

“He’s painfully cliché that’s why but I am technically a viscountess.” 

Leela had only a very vague idea of what that was but it definitely did not involve thievery. “If you are nobility why would you need to rob a bank?” 

“Oh, I’ve inherited all these titles from my parents and a ruin of a house but not much else. Just another case of an esteemed family in financial ruin I’m afraid.” 

“Do you not want a job?” 

“Maybe, I’ve been thinking about politics since I always seem to disagree with the current state of affairs but for a while at least I just want to do my own thing, maybe travel for a while.” In fact now she thought about it had been mostly Braxiatel’s idea.

“You want to adventure!” 

“Keep your voice down.” She hissed, her glare softening due to Leela’s guilty look. “When you put it like that is does sound more exciting, doesn’t it?” 

 

-  
The hours had passed quicker than Romana had anticipated but then Leela had also been better company than she’d feared. As soon as they crawled out of their lacklustre hiding place Leela went charging off apparently operating off her own plan. 

Romana’s eyes widened at her complete lack of caution barely catching hold of her arm in time. “Do you want to get yourself killed?!” 

“There is no one here.” She huffed stubbornly.

“Don’t you realise the gravity of the situation? There are armed guards stalking the place and they won’t hesitate to put a couple of bullets in us on sight long before you can even draw your knife.” 

Leela glared at her for a few moments before taking out said knife and continuing to walk ahead albeit at a slower pace. 

After a few tense minutes of walking through corridors which all looked suspiciously similar to the last Leela suddenly stopped. In turn Romana froze and feared the worst. Leela quickly twisted around and whispered, “There is a guard.” 

“Can you take him out?” she asked before quickly adding, “And by that I don’t mean kill.” 

“Yes. And he does not have a gun.” 

“It’s probably hidden better than your weapon.” 

“Why? The more hidden it is the longer it takes to draw.” 

“Just do it.” She sighed wondering what she had gotten herself into. 

A few seconds of silence passed as Leela eagerly inched closer which was broken by a sudden thump, the sound of something crashing against the wall. 

“It is done!” 

“Are you sure he’s okay?” 

“He will be fine.” Leela shrugged dismissively as she pulled her along. “This is the safe you wanted?” 

“You sound very enthusiastic all of a sudden.” She commented, following her into the room. 

“It is fun. I think it is your turn, the metal does not look like it would yield easily.” 

“They’re hardly going to make it easy to steal,” Romana pointed out as she took out a small device and swiftly attached it to the main lock. 

“You are just using a machine! I could have done that.” 

“I made the machine, as you call it, I know how it operates. It’s also the only prototype I didn’t trust you not to break it.” 

“I’m not heavy handed.” Leela huffed as Romana tugged open the safe and started tossing stacks of notes into a sack. 

“No but you’re not careful either.” 

Leela couldn’t argue with that and instead helped shove more money away. She couldn’t help but notice how Romana’s hands shook every so often and her flushed face. “Are you scared of being caught?” 

“Very,” she admitted, “but it’s not exactly a bad kind of fear.” 

“I understand. Have we got enough money yet?” 

“I suppose it’s enough.” She nodded in approval. “Let’s go!” 

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Romana?” 

They whipped around in unison to face a short, stout and unfortunately familiar man. 

“Narvin? …Were you waiting there to make a dramatic entrance?” Romana demanded, incredulous. 

“I was waiting to catch you in the act.” He scowled.

“You know this man?”

“He’s a spy in the employ of the government, I did wonder what he was doing hanging around all those formal parties and being what could possibly pass as nice to me.” 

“How do you know my profession?”

“You stuck out there like a sore thumb. Did you really think I wouldn’t question Braxiatel?” 

“Well I think I’ve beaten him this time.” He smirked and moved to raise his weapon only to find Leela had already slipped behind him and had a knife held to his throat. 

“You should not have waited so long to raise your weapon.” Leela crowed. 

“You can’t kill me!” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s illegal.” Somehow it had sounded better in his head. 

Leela laughed. “How much do you think I care for your laws? They are stupid and only protect people like you. Enjoy your death.”

It seemed things had very quickly gone beyond her control and even Narvin’s indifferent façade had slipped despite whatever rigorous training he’d undergone, she could see his fear. “Don’t kill him!” Romana exclaimed her voice far louder than intended; even Narvin looked surprised. 

“Why?” 

“I don’t want a murder on my hands, I’m not a common criminal.” 

“As opposed to someone like me?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she replied quickly not sure why exactly she didn’t want to offend a person who was still practically a stranger and assured herself it was entirely because she was hot headed and holding a knife, “but surely you must see the difference in severity between a heist and a murder. Even with my contacts I wouldn’t be able to stay out of prison.” 

“If they catch me I will hang.” Leela said simply. There was nothing Romana could reply with because she knew it was true. “Death is my trade Romana, I could kill your enemies for you.” 

“He’s not my enemy. He’s an annoying, interfering brat who favours laws over any moral code known to civilisation but if anything he’s Brax’s enemy.” 

Leela loosened her grip on him but was still dubious, Narvin unusually subdued. “If I release him he will sound the alarm.” 

“No he won’t. He’ll hold his tongue and cooperate, won’t you?” she asked, a sudden harshness to her voice that he hadn’t heard before and suddenly he wasn’t sure which of the two women was more intimidating. “He’ll walk in front of you and if he so much as hesitates you have my permission to deal with him as you see fit.” 

“Alright,” Leela’s eyes gleamed, “I certainly will not hesitate.” 

“Do I not get a say in this?” 

“You don’t, surprisingly enough.” 

“How will we stop him reporting you?” Leela staged whispered as they began to walk back down the far too similar corridors unchallenged.

“Oh that’s Brax’s territory.” she smiled.  
-

 

“I see we have a hostage. How very nice to see you again, Narvin, it’s been a while since we’ve met in person.”

“Only because I’ve been too busy following your underlings.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” he smiled, “but if I did I’d say you were wasting your time trying to connect them to me.” 

“I will not pass up this opportunity to ruin you, Braxiatel.” He warned far too boldly for someone who had spent the last ten minutes held at knifepoint.

“Brave words. Did you know I have a file on you at home? It’d be a dreadful pity if it got into the wrong hands. People might see another side to you from, say, baby photos of you  
in a penguin suit.” 

He went red- whether from embarrassment or anger Braxiatel wasn’t sure. Ignoring Leela’s laugh and Romana’s smirk he spluttered, “How did you get those?” 

“I never reveal my sources.” 

“If you think that’s going to stop me from getting you all in prison then you’re going to be very disappointed.” He huffed and turned around to leave with as much dignity as he  
could muster. 

“I wouldn’t go just yet. Would MI5 secrets that would create a public scandal large enough to ruin you and your colleague’s careers and your country’s precious reputation catch  
your attention?” 

Narvin froze but didn’t turn around. “You’re bluffing.”

Braxiatel moved towards him and leaned over his shoulder whispering in his ear. Narvin stiffened, fists clenched and turned around. “Any proof to back up those absurd claims?” 

“I have proof, certainly, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t permit you on my premises. Of course that even if I had none a claim of that calibre would undoubtedly trigger an investigation- are you confident that they would like what they might find?” 

He was silent for several moments, gritting his teeth. “Fine.”

“I am glad I did not kill you. This is much more amusing.” 

He glared at her. “If I never see you again, savage, it’ll be too soon.” 

Leela just smiled in return and after a final glower at them all he stormed off. 

 

“You know I don’t care so much for Heartshaven anymore. That was so exciting it made the rest of my life look terribly dull.”

“I knew there was a warrior inside you!” Leela said proudly. 

“You want to travel?” 

“Yes and not package holidays before you get any assumptions. I don’t really need all that money anymore.” 

“You can’t be serious-“ 

“I am.” She replied shortly and added as an afterthought, “Sorry about the trouble you went to, you can have it if you like.” 

“It will be dangerous, I must accompany you.” He said far too firmly, in hindsight he knew it would have made her flare up out of stubbornness but he’d been too caught up in her sudden change in direction.

“I can protect myself!” 

“Of course, my lady.” 

“My offer to kill your enemies is still open, Romana.” Leela spoke up suddenly. 

Romana paused and actually considered it. From what she’d seen she’d be much more help than Brax. “I might just take you up on that. Would you accept a permanent position as my bodyguard?” 

He stared. When she offered it was apparently fine. Why had he ever introduced the two? 

“Could I bring my dog?”

“As long as he gets along with mine.” 

“Romana-“he tried one last time only to get interrupted again. 

“Good day Brax.” Romana nodded politely before walking off with Leela, arranging for their strangely identical dogs to meet.


End file.
